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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25186957">The Journey or the Destination</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodpersonrose/pseuds/agoodpersonrose'>agoodpersonrose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Schitt's Creek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And I agree with him, Coming Out, Dan Levy said no homophobia in Schitt's Creek, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay, Light Angst, M/M, Patrick Brewer is Gay, Queer Character, Queer Themes, Self-Discovery, supportive family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:07:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25186957</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodpersonrose/pseuds/agoodpersonrose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick is in his 30's when he starts coming out. It doesn’t stop there.</p><p>10 times Patrick came out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Patrick Brewer/David Rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>366</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Journey or the Destination</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Dedicated to the invisible queer community who will never stop having to come out ❤️</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>He’s in the car when he first says it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After breaking Rachel’s heart, and deserting his parents with little other than a whispered apology, Patrick packs his belongings into his old sedan, and turns left out of the village. He turns left again, and then right, and then right again twice, and eventually ends up on the freeway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The windows are down, giving him much needed room to breathe, and he soaks in the cool air as he drives down deserted roads, on the hunt for somewhere- for something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’d be lying if he said he thought it would ever work out between him and Rachel. There was just something wrong with their relationship, there always had been. It was fine, that was the issue, he didn’t want fine, he couldn’t handle fine. But he would never have anything more than fine, at least- not with a woman.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’d been toying with the idea for a while, that he might not be straight, but he supposes now is as good a time as any to give it a name.</em>
</p><p>“Gay.”<em> He whispers, watching the trees disappear as he continues driving, </em>“I’m gay.”</p><p>
  <em>The words feel strange in his mouth, a familiar shape that he had never thought would apply to him, but he knows they’re right. Somewhere inside him, something clicks. Now that he’s said them, he can never go back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He keeps driving even as the sun starts to set over the horizon. Finally, he passes the town sign for Schitt’s Creek. It’s ridiculous, and backwards, and honestly looks inappropriate; the sign declaring the woman as his sister making the appearance far worse. But it doesn’t have to be forever, he supposes; he’s a solid eight hours away from home by now, and it wouldn’t hurt to stay the night.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>1.</strong>
</p><p>David is many of Patrick’s firsts. He’s his first kiss (that counts at least), first romantic love, first one to make him feel seen, and understood. In so many ways, David is Patrick’s first.</p><p>He’s also the first that Patrick tells.</p><p>He tries it in not so many words. Hints, and suggestions. Raised eyebrows and uncomfortable looks at the mention of girlfriends, or partners, or children. David doesn’t get the message, or, as Patrick later discovers, refuses to believe the implications of these actions in order to commit to his self-preservation. David doesn’t want to believe that Patrick isn’t straight, because that opens up the potential for heartbreak.</p><p>It’s scary to consider, after the event, that had Patrick not said it in so many words, then David might never have kissed him. They might never have shared the same breath, landed on the same sentence on the same page and started their story together.</p><p>Patrick likes to dispute the implications of this. On quiet nights, when it seems like the rest of the world has fallen away and left the two of them, side-by-side, under the sheets, they bicker about it. David is many things, but he is not discreet, and Patrick considers himself a ‘take-charge guy’, and they would have found their way together.</p><p>David is not so optimistic. After a life of taking the wrong street, accepting the wrong treatment, and allowing his heart to be trodden on, leaving it bruised like old fruit, David doesn’t believe that it could have happened any other way than by mozzarella sticks, and accidental third wheels, and a tentative kiss in the shadowed parking lot of the Schitt’s Creek motel.</p><p>As it is, however, Patrick did say those words. He left no room for confusion, no room for misinterpretation. Or, at least, he didn’t think he had. Not until Stevie arrived at their first date, flustered, and bedraggled, and clearly far more aware of the atmosphere than David, did Patrick doubt himself for a moment.</p><p>Patrick thanks God for Stevie every single day.</p><p>It’s the Wednesday, or perhaps the Tuesday, before David’s birthday that the words are finally uttered. They have settled into a routine together, him and David, and they are petering about the store, completing their usual jobs, when the conversation finally arrives, rearing its head, leaving no opportunity for diversion or distraction.</p><p>David is talking about something from his life in New York. Patrick loves these stories and hates them with equal passion. It’s a joy to listen to David talk with enthusiasm, lacking the shy awkwardness of some of their earlier interactions. He sometimes zones out listening to the timber and emphasis of the other man’s voice, letting it lull him into a state of serenity as the ridiculous tale’s trip of David’s tongue, as if they can’t escape his mouth fast enough.</p><p>It’s never said in so many words, but it’s clear that David has suffered considerably in the past. Despite his influence and privilege, the nonchalance with which he describes his life just re-enforces Patrick’s desperation to protect his friend from the harm that people have done to him.</p><p>This story is no different from the rest.</p><p>“-- and she wasn’t even the highest maintenance of people that I’ve dated.”</p><p>When there is no reaction; no titter of agreement or even polite snort in response, David turns to frown at Patrick.</p><p>“Okay, I’ve told that story to some of the elites in Hollywood and got more of a reaction than you’re giving me.” David says moodily, pouting slightly, which is so adorable that it just makes Patrick melt and also happens to draw attention to the plush of David’s lips.</p><p>“Oh- I just didn’t know--”</p><p>“What? That I date women too?”</p><p>David’s defensive response is immediate, and all encompassing. His jaw sharpens, and his eyes go cold, and Patrick’s stomach sinks at his reaction, already plotting ways to prevent that expression from ever showing up in his presence again.</p><p>“I know this town is the middle of rural nowhere, but I would have thought more people would have heard about--”</p><p><em>“David!”</em> Patrick takes the opportunity to approach the other man as he goes off in his tirade about queer identity, holding his hands up in front of him in a placating gesture and trying to look as apologetic as possible. “David, I already know that you’re pansexual; we talked about it when I met Stevie the other week. That wasn’t what I was going to say.”</p><p>David stops short. “Oh.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>He has the good sense to look guilty for a moment, before he narrows his eyes again and looks Patrick up and down. “What were you going to say then?”</p><p>“I didn’t know it was something I was supposed to laugh at. I didn’t want to laugh at it if it wasn’t meant to be funny. From what you told me, it doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship, and I didn’t want to be rude.”</p><p>David’s looking at him with an expression that Patrick can’t quite describe. It’s shock, and confusion, but there’s a softness lingering under the surface there, something tentative, and hopeful.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>There’s silence for a moment, David fiddling with the threads on the alpaca sweaters he had been folding, whilst Patrick hovers next to him, unwilling to let this conversation go without a fight.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to- I wasn’t implying that you were being--” David starts slowly, his apology genuine but uncomfortable. “I just- I had a conversation with Bob of all people about it this morning. I think I’ve just been on edge all day? I’m sorry for taking it out on you.”</p><p>Patrick can feel his heart rate speed up. He’s going to do it. He’s going to slip it into this conversation. He’s got to. He feels light-headed, and clenches his fists, trying to ignore the trembling of his hands as he steels himself.</p><p>“I understand, David.” He says slowly, looking determinedly at the corner of the counter, but feeling David’s eyes on him. “I know how it feels when people make assumptions about you based on your appearance, and they shouldn’t.”</p><p>“Mhm.”</p><p>“I mean,” he hesitates only briefly before continuing, “people do the same with me, when they assume that I’m straight when actually I--” Patrick’s voice is wobbling, and he can’t even imagine how red his face must be, but he’s here now, so he just has to say it. “Well, I- people assume I’m straight even though I’m gay.”</p><p>And just like that, the words are out there. He can’t take them back. The weight of the world falls off his shoulders, and he sways a bit under its impact, thankful to be leaning against the wooden display so that his feet don’t fall out from under him.</p><p>When he looks up, David’s expression has barely changed. But Patrick knows him by now and can read between the lines. It’s tinged with shock, but he also looks sympathetic, as if he can tell how difficult that was, and can relate to the feeling.</p><p>“Thank you for telling me that, Patrick.” David says cautiously, almost afraid to spook him.</p><p>Patrick shrugs, aiming for nonchalant, but lets a small smile out the corner of his mouth. “It was about time I said it out loud to someone.” He whispers.</p><p>David nods, and just like that, the conversation is dropped. Patrick lets out another slow release of air, and turns on his heel to head back to the till and focus back on the spreadsheets he had been filling in.</p><p>For the rest of the day, David is softer with him than he’s ever been before; as if the statement had provided him with a ‘Handle with Care’ sign. It should annoy him, it should make him squirm, and exclaim that he’s no different to the person David had opened the store with that morning. But he can’t help but lean into David’s protection; after all, he can understand the impulse.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>2.</strong>
</p><p>Less than 24 hours after his first kiss with David, Patrick is asked to come out again. Not directly; it’s not even a part of the conversation, and David doesn’t even realise. He doesn’t even realise that a ‘sleepover’ with David would mean something so much more for Patrick.</p><p>There’s the physical side of the offer of course, and Patrick wasn’t lying when he said he needed to take this slowly. It’s been an overwhelming few months, initially coming to terms with his sexuality, then meeting David, and then dealing with the first real, uninhibited crush he has ever had in his life.</p><p>So, while there is honesty in his request for more time, there is also the unspoken.</p><p>David is neglecting to consider the Ray aspect of it all. He knows that Patrick lives with Ray; it had resulted in considerable teasing when they were first setting up the store, but he seems to have conveniently ignored the fact in order to ask this.</p><p>Patrick refuses to pretend that his relationship with David is anything other than romantic. Even now, in the early stages, he cannot hide the way he feels about David. He won’t do it.</p><p>Therefore, if- when- David first comes over to his house for a sleepover, Ray needs to be forewarned about the nature of their relationship.</p><p>In turn, Patrick really can’t ask for Ray to hide this from the rest of the town. Within the hour, Patrick will be out to the whole of Schitt’s Creek no doubt.</p><p>He’s not sure how to feel about it. The town has been a blessing in more ways than one. It’s been his saving grace, and nobody here would know any better. But it’s taking that step out of the closet that is daunting to him.</p><p>In the end, the situation resolves itself. David is extremely gracefully let down and ends up spending the night with Stevie. It’s immediately apparent that he needn’t worry about coming out to the Rose family, which takes that responsibility off his shoulders, and he has no real reason to have a crisis about the afternoon.</p><p>Patrick goes home to Ray, free from expectation, and able to just carry on as usual.</p><p>They talk about their day; Ray tells him all about the dead body at the motel which apparently became town gossip as soon as Roland found out. They are doing the dishes, a domestic little routine that they began when Patrick moved in, when he suddenly can’t go a minute longer without saying it.</p><p>“Um, Ray? I just thought I should let you know that David might start staying round soon.” He says slowly, eyes focused on drying the bowl in front of him with the pink and white flowered tea towel.</p><p>He can’t see Ray’s reaction, but he can imagine he’s looking at him with something like polite intrigue on his face.</p><p>“Of course, Patrick! I can set up the living area as a kind of third bedroom. Although if he is staying here too often then we will have to have a conversation about a tenancy agreement.”</p><p>As always, Ray’s enthusiasm is unrestrained, and it calms Patrick down slightly. He looks over to see his roommate looking at him with unexpected kindness; as if he knows what Patrick is trying to say but won’t force him into it.</p><p>“Um, no. It’s not like that.” He says slowly. “He won’t be moving in. David might be staying overnight. With me, in my room.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>Patrick is silent for a moment, and Ray gives him time, continuing to pass him freshly cleaned crockery to dry and put away.</p><p>“I’m gay.” He says quickly, forcing the words out and ignoring the weight in his chest. “Um, and David might be staying with me soon because we’re- um, we’re seeing each other.”</p><p>Ray nods, looking contemplative, which Patrick mistakes for judgement.</p><p>“It won’t be that often; maybe a couple of times a week- and we won’t bother you- this is your house and I understand if you aren’t--”</p><p>“Does David like board games?”</p><p>Patrick freezes. “I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>“Do you know if David likes board games? When I brought my first partner home my family organised a games night. To break the tension and get conversation flowing!”</p><p>“I- I--” Patrick stares at him with confusion written on his face. “I don’t know- I’ve never asked.”</p><p>“David is rather competitive I suppose, so perhaps he would be interested? We could organise it for one afternoon? Only if you’d like that of course.”</p><p>Patrick lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding just as he puts the last glass in the cabinet above his head. “I’ll ask him, but that sounds great Ray, thank you.”</p><p>Ray smiles at him, and clasps his shoulder quickly, before leaving the room, evidently realising that it is better not to push Patrick when he’s in this condition.</p><p>Patrick waits a moment and then follows him up the stairs, heading into his own room and flopping down onto the bed. With shaky hands he pulls his phone out of his front pocket and dials David’s number.</p><p>“Hello? <em>Patrick?”</em> David drawls, sounding loose and relaxed. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, hi David. I- um- I. Are you drunk?”</p><p>David hesitates before replying in the affirmative. “Stevie has had a very stressful day.” He says, his words flowing together in a clumsy manner, and making him sound approachable and soft. “So, we were drinking the day away.”</p><p>Patrick laughs lightly. “Well, don’t let me interrupt.”</p><p>“Nooo, no wait, don’t go I want to talk to you.”</p><p>“It’s okay, David. You have a good night with Stevie. Tell her I hope she’s okay.”</p><p>“No!” David says petulantly. “You called me, what did you call me about?”</p><p>Patrick bites his lip, fiddling with his belt in a nervous manner, before giving in. “I um- I told Ray. About us.”</p><p>David goes quiet, and when he speaks again, his voice is lower, and more private. “You mean to say you told him about you? That you’re gay?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Patrick chokes out.</p><p>“Oh Patrick, I- That’s really great. I’m so <em>happy</em> for you.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>He can feel the lump rising in his throat, and swallows to stop himself from crying, taking deep calming breaths to hold it in.</p><p>“Do you want to come here? There’s plenty of wine to go around, and Stevie is a very welcoming host.”</p><p>Patrick can hear Stevie talking in the background, and while he wants to keep talking to David, the day has taken too much of a toll to make him comfortable in a social situation right now.</p><p>“No, I’m alright David. I think I’m just going to call it a night and get some rest.”</p><p>David hums as if disappointed but doesn’t argue.</p><p>“I know we’re not at work tomorrow, and I understand if you don’t want to but- Maybe we could go for dinner?” He asks slowly, hoping that David hasn’t already changed his mind about the whole thing, and that he’s not about to deal with some soft break-up.</p><p>He can hear David let out a little breath, and before he can overthink, he responds eagerly. “Yes. Yes, I’d love that. If you- if you still want to then there is a pizza place in Elmdale that I really wanted to try.”</p><p>“That sounds great. I’ll text you the details tomorrow morning?”</p><p>“Okay- and Patrick?” David says before he can hang up. “I’m really proud of you, you know.”</p><p>“Thank you, David.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>3.</strong>
</p><p>Patrick wants to kiss him. But this isn’t the time. David is right, he had never lied, but he had told David that there was nothing to hide, and that he had to trust Patrick.</p><p>His avoidance of having this conversation might have ruined the first- the only, hopefully- relationship that had actually meant anything to Patrick. The idea of never getting to kiss David again, to hold him in the quiet intimacy of the bed, and trade stories and secrets; bits to make each other laugh, just so he can hear David’s chest wheeze. The idea of losing that cracks open something inside his chest.</p><p>
  <em>“We have a lot to talk about.”</em>
</p><p>That’s what he said to her on the way to David’s room. On the way to see if there was anything left to salvage in his relationship. To see if he had just lost the one good thing- the only good thing he cared about.</p><p>He hadn’t lost everything- or maybe he had. It wasn’t clear in the moment. But he wasn’t lying to Rachel, and he knows that he owes her an explanation.</p><p>So, he returns to the front of the motel, tentatively asking Stevie to take some food in to David, before following his ex-fiancée, and ex-best-friend into her own motel room, only four doors down from where his hopefully-still-boyfriend is currently residing. David had been on the verge of tears when Patrick left the room, but he knows when to stop, and he knows that if he doesn’t talk to Rachel right now then he will never work up the courage.</p><p>“Patrick- I don’t understand.” She says quietly, sitting at the end of her motel bed and putting her head in her hands, her auburn hair falling in curtains over her face. “I’m so confused.”</p><p>“I know.” He replies, still hesitating by the door, as if he’s a zoo animal pacing its enclosure, not sure whether it wants to escape or remain and face the consequences of his own actions. “I’m sorry, I- I don’t know how to explain.”</p><p>Rachel, ever the pragmatist, looks up and offers him an escape. “Okay, how about we start at the beginning and work through this logically?”</p><p>Patrick nods slowly in assent.</p><p>“Okay, so we were engaged. You proposed to me.”</p><p>“Yes- I did.”</p><p>He had, on a Friday night at the movie theatre in their hometown where they’d gone on their first date, Patrick had gotten down on one knee on the bench outside, where they had kissed for the first time, and asked her to marry him.</p><p>He could tell at the time that she was disappointed with the proposal; she was a romantic, but she was also a pragmatist. The bench was also the place where they had their first, fourth, and sixth break-ups. But Patrick was acting erratically, and he was so blinded by his desperation to get the whole thing out of the way, that he had stumbled through a clumsy proposal, and for some reason she had accepted.</p><p>Three weeks later he had broken her heart again.</p><p>“You <em>proposed</em> to me, and we were going to get married.”</p><p>At this, Patrick falters, tipping his head to one side with a questioning look.</p><p>“Okay, maybe you’re right.” She admits. “But the idea of proposing is that you at least want to get married at some point, Patrick. You didn’t even give it a month.”</p><p>Patrick lets out a breath and takes a seat on a chair next to the dresser, a few feet away from the bed. “I know.”</p><p>“--and then, then what happened? You broke up with me, I took off the ring, and two days later you were gone.”</p><p>“Yes, that’s correct.”</p><p>“Why <em>did</em> you leave Patrick?”</p><p>This is it. He lets out a long sigh and rubs his hands together, faltering even in his movements as he tries to come up with the words to explain his mixed-up thoughts to her.</p><p>“I think- I think I felt like I was just going through the motions. I had only ever been with you and a handful of other girls during our break ups. You were familiar, easy to talk to, and I like being around you, and I didn’t understand that that isn’t what love is.”</p><p>When he looks up Rachel looks hurt, but also looks like she at least wants to understand.</p><p>“Did you never love me?” She asks in a quiet voice.</p><p>“Did you love me?” He replies. “Do you love me, really?” It’s a cowardly attempt at avoiding the question, but he’s genuinely curious.</p><p>She seems like she might argue with him, but he watches her frown to herself. “I do love you.” She says quietly.</p><p>“But just not in the way that we should love each other.” Patrick finishes for her.</p><p>There’s silence, as they both absorb the statement. Rachel sniffles a little and looks up at him.</p><p>“Did you meet someone else?” She asks. Her face crumples when he nods slowly. “What is it about her that I can’t give you- that we can’t give each other?”</p><p>Patrick’s heart is beating a mile a minute in his chest, and his palms feel damp as he rubs them on the front of his jeans. “You know the guy at the table- David?”</p><p>“The one that left when I got there?”</p><p>Patrick nods again sharply, fiddling with his watch strap as he looks down as he hands.</p><p>“What about him?”</p><p>“I met- I met David. David is who I met.”</p><p>The shock in her eyes should be expected- this is someone that he had been in a relationship with for almost a decade on and off after all. But it still comes as a surprise to Patrick, whose new identity had been inherent in his personality for the entirety of his time in Schitt’s Creek.</p><p>“Oh, Patrick--”</p><p>“I’m gay, Rachel. That’s why I can’t- that’s why we could never make it work between us. I’m sorry it took so long, and I’m sorry I dragged it out. Most of all I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner and saved you all this trouble. I just- I was so comfortable here, with David and his family, and the concept of having to risk that happiness or come to terms with how much I hurt you. I- I was a coward, and I--”</p><p>He cuts off to sob into his hand, and Rachel immediately stands up to crouch next to him, pulling him into her arms. She shushes him as she pets the back of his hair, and he leans into the familiar comfort.</p><p>When they separate, he lets out a small embarrassed laugh, blowing his nose harshly into a tissue he pulls out of his pocket.</p><p>“Does anyone else know this? Do your parents know?” She asks, knelt in front of him now, but no longer touching him, as if she knows that it’s no longer her place.</p><p>“Not yet- No.”</p><p>“Okay.” She bites her lip nervously, an old habit of hers and looks down at her lap. “Have I messed everything up, Patrick?”</p><p>“What--”</p><p>“With David, have I messed it up?”</p><p>Patrick shakes his head at her sadly. “No- No, this is nothing to do with you I- I didn’t- I should have told him about you. I was selfish, and I didn’t want to deal with the conversation.”</p><p>Rachel looks at him with such an expression of pity, it almost makes him cry again.</p><p>“If it’s meant to be then you’ll work this out Patrick. We worked it out for ten years against all odds. You’re like an expert at keeping relationships together.”</p><p>He snorts and nods, accepting another hug, before heading back to Ray’s for the night, with no-one to tell.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>4.</strong>
</p><p>After that, the meaningless assumptions of the general public become harder to handle. Patrick gets brave, gets optimistic, begins trying to live his life as an out gay man. In this town at least.</p><p>David watches from the side-lines. He seems to know what Patrick is doing as he wears tighter shirts, flirts more brazenly in public with him. But Patrick is blind to his own obsession.</p><p>Patrick Brewer has a boyfriend. He has a community here, in this little town, and he wants to live his truth.</p><p>So, he becomes more obvious. Mostly, the message is received loud and clear. He can determine who knows from who perhaps doesn’t.</p><p>The cashier at the local supermarket knows, after Patrick makes a point of holding David’s hand as they load groceries into bags, and bicker about what they’ll have for dinner on the one-night Ray isn’t in town.</p><p>The electrician for the store knows. Patrick wraps his arms around David from behind and hooks his head over his boyfriend's’ shoulder, kissing his neck quickly as they stand in the front of their store. The electrician, Marcus, clearly catches the familiar gesture as he is completing his checks of the new lighting system but says nothing of it. Instead, he shows them pictures of his newly born daughter, and chats with the pair about his new life as a father.</p><p>Every single employee at the Wobbly Elm must know by now. On the rare occasion that David and Patrick accept an invitation for a night out with Stevie or Alexis, or some baseball friends, the night ends with them ensconced in a corner, bodies pressed against one another, hands wandering against the familiar canvas of David’s skin.</p><p>In his life in Schitt’s Creek, Patrick is an out-and-proud gay man. Despite there being considerable exceptions; (his parents for one), he has grown tired of explaining himself, and has instead landed in a pattern of obvious signs and physical affection with David to make his point clear.</p><p>For this reason, it isn’t until after his and David’s 9-month anniversary, <em>(“we could have had a baby in that time, David!”),</em> that Patrick actually feels the need to say the words to another person.</p><p>The opportunity arises on a vendor visit. There had been some interest in stocking beeswax soap and honey in the store from a local farm, and, whilst David would usually be in charge of such things, he had woken up feeling unwell, and so Patrick had been sent to scope out the product. David had been visiting Marjorie’s farm consistently over the last few weeks to try and negotiate an exclusivity deal, but so far there had been no success. Patrick doesn’t believe his presence will make much difference, but David looked so grateful when he offered to go in his stead that he couldn’t turn back on it.</p><p>Patrick climbs out of the car, waving at the woman approaching. She’s maybe in her late sixties, with curly greying hair, and a bohemian style. She clucks at Patrick, grasping his arms and leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek, as is customary, before pulling back and peering behind him curiously.</p><p>“You must be Patrick! It’s so nice to meet you! Where is that business partner of yours?” She asks, looking slightly disappointed by David’s absence, but Patrick takes it in his stride.</p><p>“He couldn’t make it today. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me. He did tell me to send his regards however; and he also said that if you offered me any--”</p><p>“Let me guess? He’s after my savoury muffins?” She asks with a smile, laughing slightly as Patrick nods in agreement. “Well, I’m sure that can be arranged. Why don’t you come in, make yourself at home? I’ve just put the kettle on. Would you like tea or coffee?”</p><p>Her hands flutter the same way David’s do as she leads him up the porch steps and pushes him into one of the cushioned deck seats. Almost as soon as he sits down, he’s met by a lapful of golden retriever.</p><p>“Tea would be great thank you-- <em>Hi! Hello there,</em> aren’t you sweet?” He talks to the dog, cupping its face in his hand as tries to jump up and lather his face in kisses.</p><p>Marjorie disappears through the maroon painted front door and returns soon enough with a tray holding an antique style teapot as well as various plates of muffins and sandwiches.</p><p>“Here we are.” She says, placing it carefully down in front of him. “Now, I don’t know what you prefer, so I brought one of everything.”</p><p>“That’s very generous, thank you.” Patrick says, smiling as the dog finally settles down, resting his head on Patrick’s knee and wagging its tail contentedly.</p><p>“Baxter seems to have taken a liking to you.” Marjorie says in a teasing tone. “You mustn’t tell David; he has taken a long time to try and get used to having a dog around.”</p><p>Patrick chuckles, scratching the dog’s ear affectionately. “Well, David isn’t used to having pets around, and I’m sure he’s already told you how important his sweaters are to him. But my family always had a dog, I grew up around them.”</p><p>Marjorie grins at him. “David is such a sweet boy.” She says. “It’s such a pleasure to have him visit so often. Plus, he makes my grandson very happy.”</p><p>Patrick freezes slightly, and coughs awkwardly. “Your grandson?” He asks, trying to stem the tide of jealousy which immediately rushes over him, reminding himself that he shouldn’t rush to conclusions.</p><p>“Yes, little Bennie. He just turned fifteen. He came out last summer and everyone has been so supportive, but it’s so nice to see him interact with another queer man around here. I can never fully understand what it must be like for him, but I like to think that I can point him in the direction of someone who does.”</p><p>“Oh.” Patrick breathes. He tries to imagine his boyfriend interacting with teenagers out of choice, but surprisingly finds it quite easy to believe. David has always been an attentive man; first with his sister, and his mother, then with Stevie. Eventually, Patrick had been added to the list of people that David would dote over and defend with his life. It had been an honour that he would never quite believe he was granted.</p><p>At that moment, the boy in question rushes out of the front door and careers over towards the table. He pauses, looking at Patrick with confusion and then at his grandmother.</p><p>“Is David not coming today?” He asks, looking at him disappointedly.</p><p>“I’m afraid not, dear. But this is his business partner, Patrick.”</p><p>“Oh. Um, hi.” The teenager says, politely but with little interest.</p><p>“I didn’t know David was so close with you.” Patrick says to both of them, watching as Bennie hesitantly takes a seat, looking less than enthused to be there but also not willing to be outright rude to the stranger.</p><p>“We’re very fond of him, aren’t we Bennie?” Marjorie says, ignoring the awkwardness despite clearly being aware of its presence, and reaching over to pour the tea.</p><p>“Mm, I can relate to that.”</p><p>Marjorie and Bennie look at him curiously, and it dawns on Patrick that they don’t know who he is. He blushes slightly.</p><p>“Oh, well, I thought you knew. David isn’t just my business partner. We’ve been dating for almost a year.” He says slowly, taking the teacup with a gentle hand and hovering it in front of his face.</p><p>“You- <em>You're</em>--?” Bennie sputters out, suddenly looking far more absorbed in the conversation.</p><p>“A couple, yes. I came out as gay maybe nine or ten months ago, and we’ve been together since just after that.”</p><p>When he looks up, Marjorie is grinning at him with a Cheshire-cat smile, while Bennie has shuffled just slightly closer to the table as if to cement his presence there, no longer interested in making an excuse and leaving.</p><p>“Are you in love with him?” He blurts out, as if unable to stop himself.</p><p>“Mm--” Patrick hums in affirmation as he takes a sip of the tea. “Very much so.”</p><p>Marjorie stands up quickly, wiping her hands down her skirt and nodding towards the house. “I should go and check on the scones. Leave you two to chat.” She says, looking enthused.</p><p>Patrick blinks in surprise and turns to look at Bennie who is watching him carefully.</p><p>“Will you tell me about it?”</p><p>***</p><p>What was supposed to be a formal business meeting, quickly devolves into Patrick waxing lyrical about his boyfriend. Not that he would ever complain about that; he takes great joy in describing his relationship to any interested listeners.</p><p>Finally, a few hours later, he heads towards the car with Marjorie following at his elbow.</p><p>“Thank you so much for today.” She says as they hover just beside the sedan. Patrick puts his hands deep into his pockets and smiles bashfully. “Bennie has felt so left out of everything- it’s so important for us to make sure that he has positive role models, people he can look up to, who understand his perspective.”</p><p>“He’s a great kid.” Patrick says awkwardly, scuffing the toe of his boot into the dirt.</p><p>“Look, I’ve been putting off agreeing to the exclusivity deal because I was concerned that if I did, Bennie would lose that connection. Now, Rose Apothecary is a truly excellent store, and I’d be more than happy to sign whatever paperwork you need to make it all official.”</p><p>Patrick nods, a small smile on his face. “Well, I appreciate that. David will be very pleased I’m sure.”</p><p>“Maybe, if you’d be interested of course, the two of you are welcome to come to tea every so often. I’ll throw in some savoury muffins to sweeten up the deal?” Marjorie says, looking hopeful.</p><p>“Of course. We’d love to come.”</p><p>This makes her beam again, and she nods, her salt and pepper hair bouncing across her shoulders. “Well then, I’ll set it up.”</p><p>Patrick finally climbs into the driver’s seat after accepting one and a half more hugs and places the box of muffins on the passenger seat ready to give to David when he gets back to the store. He drives away feeling lighter, and more hopeful than he has in a very long time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>5.</strong>
</p><p>The next time he says it is under less than ideal circumstances.</p><p>It’s their one-year anniversary. One whole year of loving David, of holding him and kissing him, and making him feel protected, and safe. One year since that fateful day in the café, where he almost lost it all, and instead gained the most perfect partner, the most perfect life, one he never could have known to dream of.</p><p>David insists that he doesn’t want a big fuss made, but Patrick knows him a little better than that. After years of birthdays spent forgotten, or neglected by his family and friends, David deserves a little pampering.</p><p>So, Patrick has planned a full-blown date night. He has a hotel booked in Elmdale for the entire weekend, and a table at the highest end Italian restaurant in the area. He plans to spend as much of the next few days in a Kings-size bed behind a locked door with his boyfriend. No distractions, no disruptive roommates or family members in the room next door. Just a weekend of bliss, along with regular food, drink, and massage breaks.</p><p>Finally, he booked a haircut the day before so that he can look as perfect as possible for him.</p><p>It’s here that the conversation comes up. Sat in a chair at the only hairdressers in Elmdale, gown around his neck, looking at his own reflection in the mirror.</p><p>He usually just heads to the barbers every month or so for a trim, but David had preached to him about the importance of having a good relationship with the person cutting your hair, and allowing someone with a little extra training to touch it, so he had given in.</p><p>The appointment is with a man called Craig. He’s short and blonde, his hair spiked up in a dramatic sweep not that dissimilar from David’s own style. He prattles on about his husband, and their new dog, and how hard it has been to find other queer men in such a town.</p><p>Patrick hates this man as much as he loves him. He has an ease in his appearance; something that Patrick never had. This man knows who he is and displays it to the world in proud technicolour, and the envy Patrick feels spikes at his skin.</p><p>For a moment, Patrick allows himself to imagine that this man sees him too- sees him for who he is even without having to claim his identity in the spoken word. It’s a nice thought; the idea of being visible to others in such a way. The idea that people might be able to simply look at him, even without the visual aid of David at his side, and just know his identity, and know his truth.</p><p>But it’s not to be.</p><p>“So, what sort of cut am I doing here? Is this a special occasion? A date night maybe?” Craig says, pulling at his already wet hair slightly and catching his eye in the mirror.</p><p>“Uh, yes. Yes, actually, an anniversary. The first one, our one-year anniversary.”</p><p>Craig grins at him and nods. “Well, congratulations. How are you celebrating?”</p><p>“Oh, I just arranged a table at <em>Maison Rouge</em>. Nothing fancy, but I wanted to look nice for the occasion.”</p><p>Patrick blushes and smiles timidly as Craig clucks his tongue in approval, rolling his station over to start the cut. “Well that’s certainly not a problem, we’ll get you looking dapper in no time. Sounds like a lucky girl.”</p><p>Just like that, Patrick’s blood runs cold. His chest constricts slightly, and he can’t help but blush awkwardly. Craig doesn’t seem to notice; too distracted sectioning off parts of his hair into clips.</p><p>“Are you naturally curly because you have some really good shape and texture in the back--”</p><p>“Guy.” Patrick interrupts, causing the other man to pause and look at him with confusion. “Lucky- I’m gay. Um, so it would be a lucky guy.”</p><p>Craig’s face immediately softens in realisation. “Oh, I’m sorry.” He seems to realise the importance of that distinction, and he clearly feels guilty as he winces at Patrick’s reflection. “Sounds like a lucky guy.”</p><p>Patrick breathes a sigh and nods as the attention is drawn back to his hair. Craig wastes no time in continuing the conversation however, for which Patrick is grateful for, unwilling to linger in awkward silence for any longer.</p><p>“So, what’s this gentleman’s name?”</p><p>“Um- David. He’s- my boyfriend’s name is David.”</p><p>His eyes light up, and he looks up in excitement. “Oh my God- David Rose? Please tell me it’s David Rose- Oh my- You’re Patrick!” He exclaims.</p><p>“Oh, er, yes. Yes, how did you know?” Patrick says, frowning and smiling at the same time.</p><p>Craig laughs casually. “Well, didn’t I just say that there was a tragic lack of queer men in this area? Plus, there’s only one salon here. Who do you think cuts his hair?”</p><p>“Oh. I didn’t even think of that- Is this like a therapist? Should only one of us be coming to you?” Patrick jokes, earning a laugh.</p><p>“Absolutely not, honey. Somebody needs to sort out this whole situation, and I do not trust any of my colleagues to undertake such a monumental task.” He says, waving a hand at the back of Patrick’s head. “Hiding such gorgeous natural curls. It’s a crime against nature, and David would agree with me!”</p><p>Patrick scoffs down another grin and relaxes as Craig pulls out the scissors and starts cutting, leaving it considerably longer than he would normally be comfortable with.</p><p>“So, David talks about me then?” Patrick asks, tipping his head forward when Craig taps at the back of his neck.</p><p>“Oh, only all the time.” He says, kneeling down to get to eye-level with the back of Patrick’s head. “It’s always ‘Patrick this, Patrick that.’ I’ve honestly kind of been dying to meet you.”</p><p>“Well--” He replies, flushing a pleased red and trying to suppress the grin that immediately sprouts.</p><p>“You have to tell me what it’s like being David Rose’s boyfriend.” Craig says, making Patrick chuckle.</p><p>“What do you want to know--?”</p><p>***</p><p>The next night, pulling up at the motel, Patrick can’t help but feel a little nervous about what David’s reaction will be. He climbs out of the car, and knocks on the door, flowers in one hand, and his blue dinner jacket on; the epitome of the stereotypical romantic love interest, which he hopes will be appreciated.</p><p>The door opens, and there stands David. He seems torn towards beaming and scowling at the flowers, but takes them anyway, holding them with a gentle hand and smelling them.</p><p>“Happy Birthday, David.” Patrick says softly, giving him a closed lipped smile, which dimples his cheeks.</p><p>“Mm, thank you. Happy Anniversary, Patrick.”</p><p>The last bit he mumbles out, blushing furiously and looking at the ground, risking a glance up to see Patrick’s reaction. His small smile immediately morphs into a full grin, and he leans in to press a kiss to David’s cheek. “Happy Anniversary, David.” He whispers, directly into his ear.</p><p>David makes a pleased noise, returning the embrace before pulling back to place the flowers gently on his bed. He takes Patrick’s hand as they exit the motel together but hangs on just as they reach the passenger door.</p><p>“Wait- Did you get a haircut?” He asks, finally taking in Patrick’s appearance with an appreciative look, his hands immediately going to fluff up Patrick’s attempt at curls further.</p><p>Patrick reaches up a hand to his hair slightly hesitantly and nods. “I did. Do you like it?”</p><p>David makes some aborted noise, before leaning in to express his feelings against Patrick’s lips. “I love it.” He mumbles. “You look incredible. I love you.”</p><p>“Good to know.”</p><p>Patrick smiles into another kiss before they finally climb into the car.</p><p>“So, are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?” David asks as he buckles his seatbelt.</p><p>“Nope.” Patrick replies, popping the ‘p’ with a knowing look. “And you’re not allowed to complain to Craig about it either, not now that he’s cutting both of our hair. It wouldn’t be fair.”</p><p>“Oh.” This comment shocks David to silence for a while as he looks more carefully at his boyfriend, who tries to focus on the driving to distract from his nerves at David’s reaction. Finally, he scoffs. “Well. He was mine first, I can tell him whatever I like.”</p><p>“Okay, David.” Patrick replies with a grin. “Hey, it was nice to hear how much you talk about me.” He says, using the excuse of stopping at a stop sign to lean over and peck David’s lips quickly.</p><p>“Oh my God, what did he tell you?”</p><p>“I can’t tell you, David. There is a sacred bond between a man and his hairdresser, and I can’t break that trust.”</p><p>David just groans in response, but Patrick can see him smiling in the corner of his eye.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>6.</strong>
</p><p>The night of Patrick’s surprise party, David takes him home. He drives Patricks car back from the café, parks in the lot, leads him up to the apartment, and deposits him on the couch.</p><p>Patrick can hear him bustling around in the kitchen, filling the kettle and bumping crockery against each other to pull out his favourite mug; one that David had bought him as a joke, and given to him the day of their one-year anniversary. It has a picture of Patrick on, surrounded by a pink heart, with the words ‘World’s Best Boyfriend’ scrawled underneath. It was honestly the ugliest mug in the history of the world, and Patrick was immediately in love with it.</p><p>Finally, his boyfriend comes back into view, putting the drinks down on the coffee table and looking at Patrick with a thoughtful glance.</p><p>“What are you thinking?” He asks, still standing. Suddenly, he’s too far away, and Patrick holds out an arm to pull him forward by the front of his ‘The Power of Love’ sweater, causing him to stumble clumsily onto the couch, narrowly avoiding kneeing Patrick in the crotch and finally balancing his weight so he’s straddling one knee.</p><p>It’s not close enough, and Patrick just keeps dragging him in till he can press his forehead against David’s chest, and finally breathe.</p><p>David hesitantly pets the back of his head with a gentle hand and lets himself be manhandled.</p><p>Soon enough, the pressure on his thighs to stay upright makes him tremble, and he slowly leads Patrick forward. David lies back against the length of the couch, pulling Patrick with him to settle against his chest, bracketed by David’s legs, and still clinging to his torso desperately.</p><p>It’s in this position that Patrick finally works out what’s bothering him.</p><p>“I didn’t tell them.” He mumbles into David’s armpit.</p><p>David’s hand freezes on the back of Patrick’s head, and he struggles to look down at him with furrowed brows. “I know, but they know now. You know I’m never going to hold that against you. I mean, we need to talk about keeping this sort of thing from each other, but you know we’re more stable than that.”</p><p>Patrick hums. “I know- I know that.”</p><p>He’s silent for a moment, and he can feel David’s attention slipping to their night-time routine, and whether or not they have any ice cream left, but he just can’t let it go.</p><p>“I didn’t tell them though, David.”</p><p>“Okay, what are you trying to tell me?”</p><p>Patrick shuffles awkwardly, and David releases his hold on him to give him room to sit up, but he stays where he is, finding the pillow of David’s chest far too reassuring to give it up just yet.</p><p>“I didn’t say the words. I never told them that I was gay.”</p><p>“Oh, Patrick.” David says, finally understanding what he’s trying to explain, and returning the steady movements of his hand against his boyfriend’s back. “Do you need to go and talk to them now?”</p><p>Patrick considers it for a while, but ultimately shakes his head. “No. I don’t want to move right now.” He says quietly. “But I need to tell them- I need to say it. Before they go.”</p><p>“You’ve still got tomorrow.” David says quietly, and it’s clear that he’s almost nodding off, as his voice thickens, and his eyes shut for a moment.</p><p>“Will you come with me to brunch?”</p><p>David peeks at him through one eye, as if to check that the offer is genuine, before smirking.</p><p>“I’ve never turned down the offer of a free brunch, and today isn’t that day.”</p><p>Patrick grins at him, gazing down at David’s features even as he teases him. “Oh, did I offer to buy you brunch? I don’t remember saying that.”</p><p>“Mm, your Mom will, she likes me.”</p><p>“She <em>loves</em> you, David.” Patrick replies easily, finally climbing off his exhausted boyfriend, who whines at the loss of contact and reaches out for Patrick again with grabby hands. “Come on, we need to get your skincare routine done now otherwise you won’t end up coming to brunch.” He says, leading David by the hips to the small bathroom and putting him down on the toilet before reaching for the products.</p><p>He figures it’s the least he can do.</p><p>***</p><p>At brunch the next day, in the same booth as the night before, the same booth him and David had had their first date in, Patrick feels braver. It might be the presence of his boyfriend at his side, hand firm on Patrick’s knee as a grounding connection, or the fact that he is actually prepared to have the conversation this time. Either way, looking at his parents, both sat comfortably in the town he now calls home, he can’t help but feel safe.</p><p>They order food, and Twyla disappears to serve other tables, when he starts the conversation.</p><p>“Um, Mom- Dad. There is something else I didn’t tell you last night, that is pretty important.” He says, pulling at the skin on the inside of his wrist nervously. David tightens his grip on Patrick’s leg, and Patrick reaches down to tangle their fingers together in a reassuring gesture.</p><p>Marcy immediately perks up. “Oh, I knew it- I told Clint last night, <em>‘he’s going to marry that boy’</em>, I didn’t expect it to be so soon but I’m so--”</p><p>Patrick startles, and shakes his head. “What--”</p><p>He hears David make a choking noise next to him, and quickly tightens his grip on his hand to stop his boyfriend from retreating.</p><p>Once he’s sure that David isn’t going to suffer a cardiac arrest before he’s eaten his pancakes, he turns back to look at his parents.</p><p>“That’s not- that’s not what it is Mom.” He says, chuckling awkwardly despite being aware that his face must be bright red at this point.</p><p>“Marcy.” Clint chides, but she just shrugs apologetically.</p><p>“Sorry sweetheart. What was it you wanted to tell us?”</p><p>“Well, I- It was more that I wanted to clarify something.” He says slowly, looking for David for approval, who just nods at him, silently encouraging him. “Last night I- I told you that David was my boyfriend but- I didn’t tell you that I’m gay.”</p><p>His parents, thankfully, look at him with blank expressions, giving him the room to explain.</p><p>“It feels important to me that I make that distinction. I thought- I thought for a long time that I was broken, or that there was something wrong with me for not being able to make it work with Rachel. But I know now, I know that the reason I couldn’t marry Rachel was because it went against who I am. With David, it’s so completely different, I can’t even compare it.”</p><p>He feels in a daze when he finally looks up to take in his parents’ reaction, but they are just smiling at him fondly.</p><p>“So, yeah. That was it. I know it sounds silly, but I really needed you to know that I- that I’m gay. I’m a gay man.”</p><p>“That’s not silly at all, champ.” Clint says, reaching over the table to grasp his free hand. “I’m proud of you and thank you for telling us.”</p><p>“We love you very much, dear. I’m glad that you’ve told us.” Marcy chimes in.</p><p>This time, no tears well up. Patrick just feels an overwhelming sense of calm overtake his body, and he smiles, and then laughs lightly, turning his body almost automatically into David’s side as he lets his heart rate calm down, and the table settle back into its usual rhythm.</p><p>Three weeks later, he gets a care parcel from his parents. It contains all the usual things, plus more for David’s sake. There are baked goods (which David immediately confiscates), a blanket she had been knitting him, and, in a small envelope, two enamel pins, one with a rainbow pride flag on it, the other a pansexual flag, which causes David to tear up. Patrick isn’t sure whether he’s tearing up about having to poke a hole in one of his outfits, so he offers a pyjama shirt of his own to wear for the rest of the day, which David accepts.</p><p>They spend the rest of the afternoon the usual way; puttering about Patrick’s apartment, bickering about the washing up, and what to watch on television, both proudly adorned by the colourful pins.</p><p>Later than evening, he receives a text containing an awkwardly angled selfie of his parents sat in their garden. Their faces are largely covered by the flare of the sun, but proudly on their chest, they each have a matching rainbow pin.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>7.</strong>
</p><p>Only a week after the proposal, at the end of the Cabaret run, David and Patrick are at the supermarket. After a busy few weeks, what with rehearsal and then performing a show, proposing, and then getting no free time together to celebrate, they had made the sensible decision to close the store on a Tuesday, giving them the full day off to spend together.</p><p>Patrick was looking forward to an evening spent in his apartment, with his future husband. Eating, and kissing, and doing more than kissing.</p><p>But before that, David wanted food.</p><p>
  <em>“We can’t celebrate our engagement with stuff from the café, Patrick! We need to go and get some proper food!”</em>
</p><p>Patrick had given in even though he really wanted to stay inside all day, because of course he had, because David had done so much in the past few weeks what between his family and handling the rest of the town. So, he felt the need to pamper his future husband just a little bit.</p><p>David rushes off to get some sweet snacks, leaving Patrick responsible for the main meals. He wanders down the aisles, picking largely ready meals to put in the shopping basket, until suddenly a petite woman with long blonde hair steps in front of him, tucking her hair behind her ear nervously and smiling at him. She looks about his age, perhaps younger, and reminds him uncomfortably of Rachel.</p><p>“I’m Kelly.”</p><p>“Um, hi?” He says, not rudely, but also trying to show his impatience as he looks around for David, who still hasn’t re-appeared.</p><p>“So, this is crazy, but I feel like I kept seeing you down the aisles, and my friends thought they saw you looking at me, and they said I should come over and just say hi, so--”</p><p>She looks so hopeful, that Patrick feels bad for a moment, but he shrugs it off and smiles politely at her, hitching his basket higher up his forearm for a moment and fidgeting awkwardly.</p><p>“Well, hi.” He says, moving to step around her.</p><p>“Um, I was just wondering if you might wanna go out sometime.” She says. “Maybe I could get your number and we could get dinner?”</p><p>Patrick clenches his jaw as he fails to make his escape. “I’m really sorry, I’m just not that interested. I’m flattered though, so thank you.”</p><p>The woman looks back around at who Patrick assumes must be her friends, and they seem to urge her on.</p><p>“I promise this isn’t something I usually do.” She says, turning back around to face him with a determined glint in her eye. “I just- you look really cute, and I know it’s weird to like, hit on someone in a supermarket, but I think we might really get along well.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t interested.” He bites his lip, seeing no other excuse that to tell the truth. “You seem lovely, really, but I’m actually gay.”</p><p>For a moment, the woman looks like she doesn’t believe him, but then her expression drops. “You know, you could have just told me you weren’t interested.” She says sadly. “I wasn’t going to keep pushing.”</p><p>“No, I really am gay I’m afraid.” He says. “My fiancé is around here somewhere.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay, sorry for disturbing you then.” She says, looking at her feet and spinning on her heel to head back towards the two women from earlier.</p><p>Patrick can feel David’s presence behind his shoulder and looks around to see his fiancé watching him with an amused expression.</p><p>“What?” He asks, unable to stop himself from smiling at David in response.</p><p>“Nothing.” David response. “Was that what I think it was?”</p><p>“I’m afraid so.” Patrick says, “Why? Are you jealous?” He asks, cocking his head to one side with a challenging expression. “Are you going to come over here and make it clear who I belong to?”</p><p>David chuckles at that and shakes his head but does reach forward to link his arm with Patrick’s at the same time dropping several bags of popcorn into the basket.</p><p>“I can’t fault the girl for having good taste.” He says evenly.</p><p>Patrick looks at him carefully as they make their way down the next aisle. Thankfully it’s empty, and Patrick puts his basket down on the top of a display and reaches for him. David goes willingly into his fiancé’s arms, holding his shoulders and leaning into the warm kiss with eagerness.</p><p>“Mm, you’re a heartbreaker Mr Brewer.”</p><p>“Not for long.”</p><p>They had only had the discussion about surnames that morning, and David had been extremely emotional to discover that Patrick had every intention of taking the Rose family name. He has a similar response now, squirming happily in the ring of Patrick’s arms, and grinning to himself.</p><p>“Were you talking about the name bit or the heartbreaker bit?” He asks teasingly.</p><p>“Mm, both?”</p><p>“Both is good.”</p><p>Patrick leans up to kiss him again, before pulling away to grab the basket and continue shopping, one hand still locked in David’s.</p><p>“We are going to need to get you a ring sooner rather than later though.” David says as they stroll along together.</p><p>“And why’s that?”</p><p>“If I’d known I’d need to lock you down I would have done it a long time ago.”</p><p>Patrick laughs. They finish the shopping and head home to Patrick’s apartment, soon to become theirs. The rest of the day is spent in each other’s arms.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>8.</strong>
</p><p>“You don’t have to do this, you know.” His Mom says, watching him pace anxiously in the hallway of his childhood home. “We can call them, there’s still time. Your Dad and I can let them know.”</p><p>Patrick shakes his head, biting his lip, and looking around for his soon-to-be-husband. David is lingering at the bottom of the steps, watching him pace circles in the floor with an almost serene expression on his face.</p><p>When he catches Patrick looking, he smiles slightly and discreetly winks at him. Patrick immediately settles, and he resolves himself. “No, I owe it to myself to tell them in person. I want to. We should go, we’re going to be late.”</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want me to come, dear?”</p><p>Patrick shakes his head again and kisses his Mom on the cheek. “I’m fine, I’ve got David. We’ll call you if we need anything.”</p><p>Patrick reaches for David’s hand and they clasp them together as they walk towards the car, climbing in and making the short drive around the corner to his grandparents’ house.</p><p>It was a brave choice, all-in-all, the decision to come home and tell his extended family about his impending marriage in person rather than avoiding the conversation by simply sending out invitations. When he’d told David that he wanted to go home and talk to his relatives, he had expected some resistance, or shy discomfort. Instead, David had nodded and accepted the decision right away, and quickly agreed to go with Patrick for the long weekend.</p><p>His aunts and uncles had all been told the night before at a small gathering at his parents’ house. It was less of a coming out and more of an engagement celebration, wherein nobody asked twice about the fact that he had been engaged to a woman and was now set to marry a man. He assumed his parents had something to do with that.</p><p>But his Grandparents on his mother’s side, Joe and Sue, turned down the party invitation, and still had no idea what it had been arranged for, leaving Patrick with the responsibility to visit their house and tell them the news in person.</p><p>They pull up at the ranch style house, and Patrick puts the car in park, taking a deep breath and looking over at David. He’s been unnaturally calm about the whole situation, and Patrick can’t even begin to thank him for all that he’s done to help him through the process.</p><p>They smile at each other as Patrick takes another exaggerated breath to make David laugh, before climbing out of the car and up the porch steps, knocking on the door in three firm raps.</p><p>It takes a while to get an answer, but soon enough, his Grandma is stood there.</p><p>“Patty dear, do come in. We weren’t expecting you so early after the festivities last night!” She says. He bends down to her height to give her two swift kisses, one on each cheek, before stepping inside.</p><p>The house is familiar in a strange way. He remembers coming here as a child, when his grandfather taught him how to fish, and sitting in the kitchen being fed sugar cookies.</p><p>It feels different now, less stable, like it could all be swept out from under his feet in an instant.</p><p>His Grandma looks confused at David’s presence, but says nothing about it, and they follow her through to the back room, where his Grandpa is seated on a wicker chair, a large ginger cat on his lap purring loudly.</p><p>“I’d stand to greet you, but my knees aren’t what they used to be.” He jokes, “Even if this one let me get up, I might not be able to sit back down.”</p><p>Patrick just laughs lightly and leans over the couch to kiss his cheek. “It’s good to see you Grandpa Joe. I see Tabby is still up and about.”</p><p>“Less so than she used to be, but isn’t it that way for all of us? It’s been too long Patty; you should take a seat and tell us about your life.”</p><p>It’s then that he notices David, stood awkwardly a little while away as if afraid to intrude. Something like understanding dawns on his face, and Patrick can feel his heart rate rise, but Joe doesn’t react.</p><p>“Both of you.” He says simply, gesturing to the wicker loveseat sat at a right angle from his own chair.</p><p>David jumps to attention and takes a seat at Patrick’s left side. “Hi, sorry, I’m David.” He says as he sits down.</p><p>“Nice to meet you David.”</p><p>It’s then that Patrick’s grandma returns with the tea and they all sit down together. Patrick takes a shaky breath and rubs his chin awkwardly.</p><p>“Um, where to start?” He says softly. “I know I haven’t been in touch recently, and I’m sorry for that. I had to leave- to move town when I broke up with Rachel that last time, and I know I haven’t been calling as much, or visiting for the last couple of years.”</p><p>Joe nods, “Tell us what we don’t know chuck.”</p><p>“Well I- I’ve done a lot of soul searching, and I came back this weekend because I have news. Happy news, actually. The happiest.”</p><p>He reaches over to take David’s hand, who seems happy to be used simply as a prop in his explanation and goes willingly. When he looks up to see if there is any reaction from this movement, he is met with open, sympathetic looks.</p><p>“Well I- when I left, I was just coming to terms with the fact that I’m gay.” Patrick rushes through the rest of what he has to say, unwilling to hear their initial reaction lest he miss out on telling them the actual news. “--and when I was away, I found a town that I love, and also a man that I love. We’re getting married- me and David are getting married and I would really love it if you would come down for the wedding.”</p><p>There’s silence for a few moments as the news is absorbed. David’s hand squeezes tight in Patrick’s like a lifeline, and he tightens his own grip in response.</p><p>Finally, his Grandma breaks the silence. “We’d love to come, dear. But your grandfather doesn’t travel well nowadays- I just don’t know if it will be possible.”</p><p>It sounds like an excuse- it feels like an excuse, and a cage locks itself around Patrick’s chest, restricting his breathing.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>His Grandma stands and moves over to him, crouching and squeezing his hand. “No, dear. No, it’s not that. You know we want to come; this has nothing to do with that.” She repeats as Patrick tries to blink back tears.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Really.” Joe confirms, sitting up straighter and leaning over the cat in his lap to catch Patrick’s eye. “You have nothing to worry about with that. We’re happy for you- truly.”</p><p>“You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that.” Patrick says slowly, tears painting tracks down his face, which his Grandma wipes away with her thumb.</p><p>“I mean, I can’t say I understand it. But I also never understood algebra.” He continues, “Or eating prawns; I’ve never liked the flavour of prawns. So, what do I know?”</p><p>“People serve them too plain.” David chimes in. “If you fry them with garlic and chilli, and then add coriander, they can actually be really delicious.”</p><p>Grandpa Joe chuckles, shaking his head, “I’ll have to try it.”</p><p>***</p><p>They are sent out of the door laden with snacks and well-wishes for the family, and they drive back to the Brewer family house in relative silence.</p><p>“Well, that went well.” David says after a while. “But of course, it did; I really can’t imagine meeting a Brewer that isn’t lovely.”</p><p>Patrick laughs lightly as they pull up at his parents’ house and clamber out of the car. Just before they can enter the front door, however, he pulls David to a stop and moves into his personal space, cupping his face and planting a long, meaningful kiss on him.</p><p>“Thank you, David.”</p><p>“What for?”</p><p>“For being there, for coming with me. For making it so easy for me to do this- and I mean, for not judging the fact that I’m only just doing this now.”</p><p>David sighs, and melts a little further into his fiancé’s embrace. “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, I’m so proud of you for everything that you’ve done.”</p><p>“I love you David.”</p><p>“Mm, I love you too.” He replies, leaning into kiss Patrick again, soft and sweet, and full of love.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>9.</strong>
</p><p>Being married to David is the best thing Patrick could ever imagine. Every morning he wakes up to find his husband snoring on the pillow beside him, or sometimes on his chest. He gets to wake him up with kisses, and on more difficult days, kicks. They go to work together, they go home together, they go to events together. They’re a matching set.</p><p>While private time is important, and breaks are necessary, they have become very well versed in knowing when to have some time apart and regroup.</p><p>Marital bliss comes with another important benefit; everyone in Patrick’s life knows that he’s gay. If they don’t, all he has to do is point them over to his husband, or kiss David in front of them, and they get the idea.</p><p>He had thought, once upon a time, that there would be a defining part of his life where coming out would no longer be necessary. That he would be able to hang up his cap and just be seen for who he is.</p><p>That day never comes, as proved in an uncomfortable interaction at a hotel a few towns over.</p><p>Patrick heads in to book them in. They had travelled for the tax seminar, and David had insisted he come along, citing that three nights apart was too many so soon after their wedding. Patrick would have disagreed for business purposes, but he wasn’t prepared to go away for so long either, so had given in with little resistance.</p><p>David has disappeared somewhere to scope out the events for the next three days and decide which ones he would be attending and which ones he’d be leaving to Patrick.</p><p>Patrick approaches the desk with a friendly smile at the woman standing there, her name tag reading Judy.</p><p>“Hi, I have a room booked under the name Rose.” He says politely.</p><p>“Sure, let me get you checked in. Ah-ha, yep. A double room for Rose, that’s all sorted for you.”</p><p>It’s then that David approaches, holding a flyer aloft and waving it at Patrick’s face. “Patrick look! They are holding the <em>‘Dream to Design’</em> seminar at eight am. How am I meant to get out of bed in time for that?”</p><p>“Ooh, they must have done it just to spite you specifically.” Patrick teases easily, just to watch the exasperated smile appear on his husband’s face.</p><p>“Yes, well--”</p><p>“Oh, is this who is staying with you?” Judy asks, tapping away at her computer. “I apologise, we’ve got you booked as staying with your wife- I can get that changed to a twin room right away.”</p><p>Patrick is so surprised that it takes a few moments to register what she’s said. It isn’t until he sees David’s uncomfortable expression that he responds.</p><p>“Oh- nope. Don’t do that, that won’t be necessary.” He says quickly.</p><p>She looks up and frowns in confusion, clearly unsure of how to proceed. “It’s no problem, sir. We have plenty of twin rooms available.”</p><p>At this, David excuses himself and wanders away in the other direction, looking upset. Patrick sighs as he watches him leave before turning back to the woman who is waiting for his response.</p><p>“No, the booking was correct- I’m gay, and I’m staying here with my husband. So, the double room would be preferred.” He says slowly.</p><p>The expression on Judy’s face is one of pure guilt, she looks towards where David had disappeared to, and then back, blushing furiously and quickly collecting Patrick’s key card.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I said that.” She says as she hands it over. “It was closed minded of me to assume anything based on- I’m just, I’m really sorry.”</p><p>At this, Patrick smiles again. “You don’t need to apologise. I know what my appearance is, we get it often enough. Thank you for this.”</p><p>Before he can go, she stops him again. “Will you please apologise to your husband for me, I really didn’t mean to upset you. I feel dreadful.”</p><p>“Of course, don’t worry about it.”</p><p>He heads in the direction of the elevators and finds David lurking among some potted plants in the hallway. He immediately pulls a fond but exasperated face at his husband who joins him silently on the walk to their room.</p><p>It isn’t until they are behind closed doors again that the incident is discussed.</p><p>“The woman at the desk asked me to apologise to you personally.” Patrick says as he places their suitcase on the bed, opening it and pulling out David’s sweaters and his own shirts to hang up so they don’t crease, but leaving his own jeans and comfortable clothes folded.</p><p>“I’m sorry for overreacting.” David mumbles sitting on the bed.</p><p>Patrick shakes his head and sits next to David, turning to face him and linking their hands together in his lap.</p><p>“Will you explain to me what went on in your head? So that I can understand it better?” He asks softly.</p><p>“It’s silly.”</p><p>“I’ll never think something that bothered you is silly.” Patrick replies, shuffling closer to kiss his favourite spot on David’s neck.</p><p>“I just- it was a lot of things. I want people to know we’re together just by looking at us, I don’t want to have to tell people all the time.”</p><p>“I understand that.” Patrick says, propping his chin on David’s shoulder while he listens.</p><p>“-- and more than that, I don’t like it when people assume things about you based on your appearance. They see me and they think, <em>‘gay man’</em>, which isn’t even accurate, but they see you and the don’t think anything like that.”</p><p>Patrick kisses David’s shoulder, over his sweater softly as he rants. “Maybe I should start painting my nails or something.”</p><p>David pauses to take a breath. “You shouldn’t have to do anything to get people to think that, and lots of straight guys paint their nails so--”</p><p>Patrick hums in acknowledgement.</p><p>“That being said you should definitely paint your nails, yes, that would be very sexy.”</p><p>“I’ll think about it. Was there anything else that was bothering you?”</p><p>David groans and flops backwards onto the bed. Patrick follows him with ease, placing his head on David’s chest and waiting for him to say it.</p><p>“Is it really dumb if I say I was jealous of your imaginary wife?” He asks.</p><p>Patrick looks up to see his expression, and once seeing that it is absolutely genuine, can’t stop himself from laughing just lightly.</p><p>“Stop, I know, it’s ridiculous.” David whines as Patrick starts kissing up his front, moving his sweater out of the way bit by bit until he finally gets it over his husband’s head.</p><p>“No imaginary wife could ever make me feel the way you do, David. You have nothing to worry about.”</p><p>David squirms, but seems pleased, as Patrick returns to kiss his now bare chest with unrestrained glee. Patrick wiggles until he’s on top of him, pressing him into the mattress making tiny circular motions with his hips.</p><p>“Do you feel better yet?” He asks, unbuttoning his shirt bit by bit.</p><p>“Mm, I don’t know.” David says with a small smile, trying to help but getting his hands swatted away when he reaches for the buttons.</p><p>“Well we can stop and talk about it more if you like?” Patrick says, pausing and raising an eyebrow at him. “Or, I can take my husband to bed, and you can make sure that in the morning, everyone will know who I belong to.”</p><p>Those words seem to set off an automatic reaction in David, who rolls to flip them over so that he’s towering above Patrick.</p><p>“I think that could be arranged.” He says, and Patrick laughs, and then gasps, as David sets about fulfilling his promise.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>10.</strong>
</p><p>“You’re such a <em>weirdo</em>, what are you doing?”</p><p>“He’s a part of the family, David! I want to tell him!”</p><p>David is full on cackling now; his full-bodied laugh that turns his face red and his eyes flush with tears.</p><p>Stevie’s anniversary present to them had been an excellent choice. She had provided them with a small bag of Mr Hockley’s best blend, and on a Sunday night they had decided to smoke it together in their cottage living room.</p><p>The weed had made Patrick clingy, the same way alcohol did, and at first, they had spent an enjoyable hour or so trading soft, sloppy kisses along their couch. David was louder than usual, moaning into the kiss, and bucking up into him with a hungry desperation with all the energy of their early relationship, but Patrick was more interested in trading the slow, familiar touches that he had come to crave.</p><p>Eventually, they were forced to stop by the presence of their new cat in the room. David did not stand for funny business in front of Giovanni, even when high, and so they had cooled off and instead, Patrick had slotted into his usual place between David’s legs, his back to his husband’s chest, and let out a soft sigh.</p><p>Later on, Patrick would not be able to answer if questioned how the conversation had come up, but suddenly, he was crouched on the floor next to the foot stool, their shared Balinese cat staring down at him from on top of it with a curious tilt of the head.</p><p>“Oh my God--” David sighs, flopping his head into the couch cushions, but carefully leaving room to watch his husband out of one eye.</p><p>“Shh, David. This is a moment for me.”</p><p>“Far be it for me to step on your moment. Go ahead.”</p><p>Patrick crosses his legs to sit more comfortably on the floor and clears his throat.</p><p>“Giovanni.” He says in a serious tone, carefully ignoring David’s laughter which has already erupted again behind him. “Now, this news may come as a shock to you, but it’s been weighing on me for a while now, and I wanted you to hear it from me first.”</p><p>The cat continues to watch him with his dark eyes, perhaps wondering if he is about to be fed again.</p><p>“Now, it’s a really important part of my identity, and I want you to know that I am still the same person I was before.”</p><p>Something prompts Giovanni to reach for Patrick, one paw outstretched, claws out and hooked into the fabric of his sweater.</p><p>Patrick gapes at him and turns to look at David over his shoulder with a haughty expression. “See! He did have a response; he’s trying to comfort me.”</p><p>“He’s trying to pull apart that sweater, and rightfully so. He has good taste.”</p><p>Patrick pouts. “You don’t like my sweater?”</p><p>“I like you wearing it I just- Oh my God finish your weird cat ceremony thing so that I can take you upstairs behind the closed door and we can remove said sweater.” He whines.</p><p>Patrick turns back to pet the cats head fondly. Every time he moves his hand, Giovanni butts his head back up into it and Patrick grins at him as he affectionately begs for more attention from him.</p><p>“You know, this cat really is just like you.” He says to David, who huffs in response.</p><p>“I swear to God if you don’t come out to that cat in the next two minutes, you’ll be locked out of the bedroom with him.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, I forgot about that part.” Patrick says, turning back to the cat at hand, which is now sprawled across the plush stool on its back, clawing at the sleeve of Patrick’s jumper and biting his hand playfully. “Cat--”</p><p>“Use his name he has one.”</p><p>“David! This is a personal experience for me!”</p><p>“Okay, but we could be having a much more personal experience right now, if you get my gist.” David practically purrs, crawling down from the sofa to press a kiss just below the line of Patrick’s collar, scraping his teeth against the skin there to make the message loud and clear.</p><p>“Giovanni, I’m gay.” Patrick says speedily, leaning down to plant a kiss on the cat’s head before standing up and leading David by the hand towards the staircase.</p><p>David resists for a moment. “Are we sure we don’t need to go through the complexities of sexual orientation and attraction to him. What if he assumes that just because you’re gay that I am too?”</p><p>He looks back at the cat, who has barely reacted to their absence, moving to settle down on the couch cushions in a ball, in the seat David had just vacated.</p><p>“No time for that, David. Now come and kiss me, I’m gay.”</p><p>David giggles as the bedroom door clicks shut behind them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a very self-indulgent fic about coming out, and I hope it resonated! It was hard, considering that fact that Patrick doesn't really say the words in the show, to actually work it into conversation. </p><p>Comments and kudos make everything worth it, and I'd love to know what you thought, or which specific examples of Patrick coming out you enjoyed the most!</p><p>Thank you for reading! 🌼</p></blockquote></div></div>
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